On Tuesday 2 Jan 07 six of Irvine's Top Athletes boarded the 0945 ferry for Brodick to partake in the Arran Runners New Year Multi Terrain Handicap, or in its abbreviated form the ARNYMTH. The first thing of note was the devastation the New Year Storms had caused to a number of motors left in the Car Park at Ardrossan; Mr Churchill's nodding dog could well be a busy beast over the next few days.

The route itself is some 9 or so miles and is basically a clock wise loop from the Ormidale Sports Pavilion, down the Corriegills Road, over the Clauchland Hills, across the Brodick to Lamlash Road, through the Forests, down Glen Cloy and back to the Pavilion. On a rough reckoning, i.e. converting metres to feet, the consensus was that the hills rise to some 800 feet or so. The going, to use a horse racing corollary, was muddy to boggy, however, the weather was more than reasonable and good views were to be had for those athletes such as myself whom like to saviour the ambiance and general well being, that a canter through the hills offers. Indeed had it been later in the year I might have been tempted to wax lyrically in Wordsworthian prose and style, however you have been saved from such torture.

To mundane things such as the results. The race was won jointly by an Arran Combination of Derek Shand and his Personal Trainer Greg Anderson, so well done to them. Derek being a conscientious sort has on previous occasions attended his place of work prior to the race, however this time he was thwarted by the petty rules of mindless back office rule obsessed bureaucrats, so industry's loss is Athletics gain ; a lesson there for the 2012 Olympics I would suggest. Second in the Handicap was Findlay, with Ian McManus third, debutant Tommy " Lightfoot " Begley 6th , Helen Morton and myself 7th and the other Irvine debutant John Moore 9th.

On times the " Lightfoot" was fastest in 69:06 an outcome he was more than pleased with, displaying the sort of performance one would expect from the Irvine AC Hill Running Captain. Indeed his Coach was over joyed with this and in an exclusive post race interview with myself said:

" Tommy was immense to day and displayed the sort of spirit and determination that I expect of a truly dedicated athlete, who showed great restraint and fortitude during the Festive Season and has accordingly reaped his reward with this superb performance. It makes me feel very humble "*

Nicky Emsley was second fastest, battling with his aged pater over the latter part of the race, changing positions more than once and although he beat him time wise by over three minutes, he lost out positionally; a victory in this case of cunningly acquired experience over the exuberance of youth.

John Moore was third fastest some 2 1/2 minutes behind the " Lightfoot", a creditable performance which could have been better but for going slightly astray in the Forest , this was despite , or was it because of, more than one briefing and much perusing of maps, of various scales, prior to the race.

The multitudes retreated to the Ormidale for well earned drinks and eats and much thanks to Tommy our jovial host for his hospitality. Well done to Paul for as ever excellent organisation and for putting out some course markers on New Years Eve during the horrendous weather, which some of us found of use.

Mike Flinn

* Had this been a football report I doubt if I would have got anything more than " ' e dun good"

In my last ramble I promised to regale readers with tales of daring do in the form of my one and only ever Race Victory. I did once win the Jim White Handicap, had a couple of top three places in the Irvine AC Christmas Handicap and as a result of generous handicapping, led the Arran Runners New Years Mixed Terrain Handicap Race, only for Brian Robertson to storm by me near the end.

The annals of history have to be deeply trawled to find my one and only race victory.Even that was not a solo effort, as it involved a two man , or should that be a two boy, effort. This victory took place on the fields of Heyhouses Primary School, St Annes on Sea, Lancashire, whose claim to fame was that John Alcock ( latterly Sir John ) of Alcock and Brown fame , the first men to fly the Atlantic, was a pupil there, slightly of course before my time.

The great victory was sometime in the early 60s in the Three Legged Race, when my pal Graham Berry and myself were drawn to gether to form a two boy/ man Team .We managed the feat of winning this race by adopting the cunning plan of shouting out which leg we should move , either "inside" or "outside". As all the rest of the kids sprawled about the grass in confusion, tripping over each other and making very little if any progress, Graham and myself stormed down the 100 yards track shouting alternatively, "inside" / " outside" to denote the appropriate leg to be moved. I seem to recollect that we won, as Paul Dickenson on the television would say, " by a mile", indeed I would suggest if not further.In fact I would go so far as to say that it must have been a Lancashire Schools record, that has probably never been surpassed, as nowadays I suspect the Three Legged Race has probably banned on Health and Safety grounds and/or no longer deemed politically correct.

There is quite rightly a plaque outside the school sponsored by British Aerospace to commemorate John Alcock's achievements, but regrettably none for our sporting prowess's. Hopefully, the Olympic Authorities will be remedying this.

Mike Flinn

If you are like me, then running is just a consuming/addictive pastime that is good for you mentally and physically, with a bit of banter thrown in to spice things up. Phrases like " race leader", " victory" or even " well up/well placed" do not tend to feature in our lexicons. Just occasionally these rules get thrown out of the window. One such occasion was last week at the Ayrshire Relays at the Beach Park , when by some misfortune for my fellow Team Mates, I happened to feature in a four man Team that had a couple of runners way above my class. This situation was further compounded by them running the first and second legs, so when it came to the handover I was in a position well up the field. This situation changed in a matter of seconds, having left a fairly crowded "pen" following the handover, containing some good athletes, I was passed by I reckon at least 8 runners before I had gone about 200 yards and from thereon it was downhill all the way. Despite having a good lead on the C Team ,Mr Jim Sneddon, to whom I suggested it was very unsporting of, passed me with about 1/2 mile to go and proceeded to disappear into the distance. Still I can say that I am a better man for such an experience

The morale of this tale? Make sure if you are in a Relay Time with better athletes that you run the first leg, thus incurring no pressure, running the race at your own tempo, thereby giving a platform for your more illustrious colleagues to surge through the field; this I think is a " win /win" as opposed to a " it looks like we are winning / well you thought we were, but no longer". Or as Mr Kenneth Wolstenholme would have said " There's some athletes on the pitch, they think it's all over , well it is now".

Just to balance things up my next ramble will feature an objective assessment of my one and only athletics victory, which I am currently working .......

Mike Flinn

Dear Mike,

I have recently been attracted to sprinting and wonder if you could answer the following two questions, about enhancing my performance:

Should I adopt some sort of nickname?
Do you have any views on these "all in one" sprint suits that seem to be the rage ?
Yours Ayrshire Sprinter

Dear Ayrshire Sprinter,

Thank you for your letter which raises some interesting points. Sprinting can't be all that hard as it only lasts a few seconds, unlike us hardy long distance types who have to grind it out, sometimes over hours; so for sprinting image is all important. Taking your two points in turn:

A nickname is very important and to be truly meaningful has to be alliterative and incorporate something that depicts speed. You haven't said whereabouts in Ayrshire you are from so here are a few suggestions, " Dalry Dart", " Ardrossan Arrow", " Saltcoats Scud", " Troon Trident" ( far some macho than Tortoise ) , "Kilwinning Kannonball", " Kilbirnie Kruise Missile"; note in the latter ones the reference to military hardware and the c/k interplay. Don't try to be too clever though , "Ardrossan Alarm" ( which I think stands for Air Launched Anti Radar Missile) does not quite work. In days gone by of course, sprinters were compared with railway engines, hence the "Eglington Express" and my own favourite although not alliterative, the " Stevenson Rocket". Nowadays with the state of the railways and as a harassed commuter I can talk from the heart about this, such references should be about how badly a sprinter performs, so imagine this exchange between Steve Cram and Brendan Foster:
" Well Steve he certainly slowed down over the last 50 metres"

" Very much so Bren , in fact he reminded me very much of the 7:32 from West Kilbride to Glasgow Central, delayed due to leaves on the line/overhead line failure in the Hillington area/, points failure at Lochwinnoch/technical difficulties *

* delete as appropriate
If you live in Irvine then I suggest you may have to move to achieve your full potential. If I converted to this form of Athletics I would of course adopt the nom de plume ( or as Mr Bush would say , whatever is the French Equivalent) of the "Blackpool Bullet".

In terms of the suit I think that colour is all important. Whilst on safety grounds the brighter the better. I am not sure that this would be sensible, indeed inconspicuousness should be the watchword, so on this basis canary yellow a la Norwich City FC , or cerise are out. I would go for two colours to reflect you training locations, a battleship grey for any street work and disruptive pattern camouflage for the fields/parkland , that way you are not likely to attract the attention of the local neds and be able to pursue your training in peace, although I believe that the disruptive pattern camouflage version does come with facilities for carrying protection, in the form of a sling for an AK 47 or similar.

Happy sprinting.

Following the Panorama expose of alleged bungs in the world of football down south, I have been asked if I myself have been involved in such an activity, especially as Mr Sam Allardyce against whom these allegations are made, was a former manager of my very own Team, Blackpool FC with whom I have close affiliations. Indeed questions have been asked by unidentified sources about the legitimacy of a spot prize I won recently; the depths which these unnamed sources will stoop. The nature of the bung, was a suggestion that in conjunction with unnamed officials, I had conspired that in return for a spot prize of Quality Street, I would skim a number of sweeties, in the forms of the Big Purple ones and Coffee Creams and furtively return these to the unnamed official, thereby effecting the bung.I can categorically deny that such events never took place and I am currently in dialogue with my brief; any case would indeed be difficult to pursue as all of the alleged evidence has been consumed.

As I stepped onto the Track for the Marymass Mile the other Tuesday, I did so hoping to emulate one of my sporting heroes. I was born a bit too late for the stars of the fifties, such as Derek Ibbotson and Gordon Pirie and too soon for the likes of Cram, Coe and Ovett; thus we are looking at the early to mid 60s and the names that remind me of that era include David Bedford, Bruce Tulloch , who if I remember ran bare footed and Ron Hill , from Bolton , reasonably close to where I was brought up. My own hero has a close affinity with the last named, being a similar tough 'ard Northerner, who came from Greystone , which conjures up pictures of industrial squalor and deprivation. And where precisely is that I hear you ask ? Well, it is the same league as Barnstoneworth, another place you would have difficulty finding on an atlas, as both are fictional locations and thus my own hero was none other than that star of the Rover and Victor Comics in the 50s and 60s, the " Tough of the Track" , the one and only Alf Tupper, one of , if not in my humble opinion, Britain's finest ever Athlete.

In order to emulate Alf I needed to be in a close sprint for the line , coming from so seemingly far back, as to be seemingly impossible to catch up the leader , let alone snatch victory and thus be able to mutter the immortal phrase " Done 'em by a gnat's whisker", one of Alf's trade mark expressions. As it was, I staggered round and crossed the line some considerable distance behind the winner, but being still being sufficiently knackered to mutter another one of Alf's immortal expressions, to indicate a suitable degree of tiredness and fatigue " Bloomin ' Ada". In order to truly emulate Alf I need to start sleeping in the cubby hole under the stairs and become a full time welder; I wonder if Kilwinning Uni run a course in the latter and if so what are the entry qualifications ?

Mike Flinn

Following my recent success in the Dundonald 10.5K , gaining a well deserved Spot Prize, I thought it would be worthwhile sharing yet another Topical Training Tip , or as we aficionados call it, a "3 T".

This one is more to do with the etiquette of pack running and can be applied when a colleague is not on top form; this could be down to what we call in the trade " Low Self Esteem", or to give it its abbreviated form, LSE, not to be confused of course with an Educational Institution made up from the same letters, that saw riot and insurrection in the late 1960s .

A way of boosting LSE is if one is out with the Pack and an acquaintance of the person suffering from LSE is spotted, LSE can be seriously enhanced by allowing the colleague, let's call him "C", to surge ahead of the Pack, accompanied by the Pack Members offering encouragement such as :

"C, we have been chasing you all night, just caught you up and you surge again "

" C, what have you been on, you must a dead cert for the Olympics"

"C, can you slow down and give us a chance"

These should be accompanied by much gasping, puffing and an air of general fatigue and destitution. It does help of course if the acquaintance knows b****** all about running , as it is only in such a context that this really works; anybody who knows anything about Athletics will of course see through the bluff right away and thus indeed could lead to a worsening of LSE. Expert advice should thus be sought on its application.

Mike Flinn